Monday

My depression increased towards the weekend. This morning i got angry at halil for refusing to join me for a short walk. He needs to do a bit of walking more than i do.. he keeps having pain on his leg whenever he stands too long.. something i used to have but no longer have ever since i lost a few kgs. His weight is too much nowadays. Even though he promised to join me on wednesday, i went to my çamlık park for my morning walk alone..with full anger within me. İ walked in my fast mode for that full one hour and a half ...not caring whether my feet will kill me... it didnt Alhamdulillah... my new shoes is of good quality....this morning is the final prove.

Yesterday, when baddin looked at m new sport shoes, he said...

*babam gibi*
just like my father's

Yes... he is right. I didnt realise that i bought the same pattern i bought halil 2 n a half years ago when he was in the military service..the only difference is... his is brown n for male..and mine is blue n for ladies..baddin is observant...much to my suprise...

This morning...on my way to çamlık park.. it was zero degree celcius...2 hours later..it was 6 degree celcius. U can imagine how frozen i was early in the morning,right??? After coming back from my walk..i finally dared to look at the weight scale..

73.8 kg!

Phew... i got lucky again despite pigging myself last week in my depression... almost 5 days pf pigging myself n i still got lucky!! Alhamdulillah!!

Took my bath and went to the bank... went to the market to buy the usual fresh milk, yogurt, fruity yogurt and eggs ( a standard daily shopping)..i only had a glass of milk this morning... caught halil on the phone as he was heading to his workplace n i suggested we have lunch together. Suprsingly he agreed. Ate durum n ayran today with a plate of salad... so in order to burn the fat i consumed during lunch, i went home walking all the way from carrefour where we ate...

Not bad for my first day of sort of intensive weight challenge eh?

I think the walk has lifted my spirits... I feel better now.. after a bit of mumbing here.... i feel much much better than better... now it is time to tidy the apt n cook for the kids :0)

The last few days

The last few days, i feel depressed. That affected my weight challenge greatly.

I went walking on monday. It was freezing.

On tuesday, it was a matter of me breathing and the air vaporized. It was cold. But like many other walkers, i walked on.

On Wednesday, as usual, i walked my one hour and a half. I always think when i walk despite the music i listen to.But that last 10 minutes, my thoughts went towards topics that made my heart sad. it was really really difficult to move my legs for that last 10 minutes. As i was walking home, depression took a full force on me.

When i am sad, i eat. It was a strong urge that i went to bim..a market and grabbed all the chocolates i could get my hands on into the trolley. i ate a cake on my way home... Eversince that day...even today... i have been eating non stop. i am afraid to look at my weight scale!.

Thursday, i didnt go walking since there will be pazar ...i usually walk 2 hours in pazar anyway...

Come friday, i had this xtreme exhaustion in me. it was really difficult to open my eyes!! And so... i went to sleep after the kids went to school.I needed to rest...to get back my bearings. I am glad i did. After noon, i went to the tour agency to look at my options for flight tickets this june... went walking till meşe's place...walked some more at bağdat caddesi before i returned home. i think those walks covered my walking exercise for the day. But i am eating like crazy still!! help!! me and my sad thoughts!! arghhhh!!

I cant do any walking today n tomorrow. Thatz ok. I plan to go back in full weight challenge force on monday. i need to cut down on my food as well... at least no more junks n coke...i dont usually eat junk food..n i have long ago sort of abandoned coke..but this week....i know i can do this... I just need to get my act together.

My last statistics?
İ DARE NOT LOOK!!

i will start my challenge intensively come monday. Have a nice weekend everyone!!

My update-2008

On the 20th of November, i managed to shed my fat till i was 72.1kg.... I had stopped my walk and any form of exercise and had eaten like a pig ever snce then....baba..my dad in law got sick....my heart wasnt in any form to exercise...and later the hospitalization period....his death.......i wasnt able to exercise... my heart wasnt in it...



As a family, we are much better now... we r still very sad...but life needs living... and last week i started my weight challenge again...



i walked twice last week.... i couldnt do more coz my feet was hurting far too much...i realised that my sport shoes .... r no longer suitable for my walking... halil bought me that many years ago... i realised that i needed a new proper walking shoes... and so..last friday...despite the heavy falling snow....(sebenarnya sengaja jalan bawah snow coz i love the feeling of snow falling onto me hehehehe)

i went to kadıköy to buy myself a proper walking shoes with a proper support... i was guessing that shops in kadıköy would have wonderful discounts at this time of the year..esp now it is winter and they will try to finish their last year's stocks... i was right...

i went to Çetikaya and got myself a Nike running shoes for price of 75YTL (1 US dollar is 1.5YTL).....a discount of 10 YTL...that is a good discount..though i really really feel guilty deep inside for wasting money like this... i mean...i can use that money for something else...esp for the kids... yup... u r looking at a very guilty feeling mom right here...but i simply love my new shoes

Went walking today... it was raining...drizzling more like it... but many walkers like me kept on walking...walked my usual one hour and a half walk...and yup! my feet didnt hurt!! i am sooo glad for that!! nowadays walking wont be so much torture anymore...!!

But walking in winter has its chalenges... for one...i walk... the weather is cold... i cant wear too thick clothing despite the cold since i will sweat while walking. Thus, i go walking with just a sweater n a thin spring jacket. Before reaching the park (20 mns from my home)... i usually freeze...sejukkkkkkkkk.... i will reach the park trembling....only after 10 minutes walking, i will catch my normal walking momentum and start warming up...

How can i walk for one hour n a half without getting bored? itz simple really..the park is beautiful...n on top of that...the moment i enter the park area, i usually take off my glasses and turn on the mp3.... walk...walk.... i find myself going on a moderate mode at the beginning..only toards the last half an hour of the walk do i turn into a faster mode... (tak nak la pengsan kalau sejam setengah terus buat fast mode kan?)... i adjusted my modes according to my own body strength... i dont try to follow other people's modes since some can really walk at the speed of a jet! hahaha .....but i do find myself following the mode of this one elderly guy (i suppose he is elderly coz his hair is totally white ...at least from behind)...if i manage to catch him walking..i usually follow his walking mode coz his is just perfect for me... other regulars r either too slow or too fast...

My stats right now?? after a longggg break..i was expecting myself to have my old weight again... but i think Allah has been kind to me somehow... i have only managed to increase my weight a few kilos... i am now officially...73.9kg!!
,
It is from this weight... 73.9kg... i officially declare to myself that my weight challenge is back on! i need ur support n motivation... i will insyaAllah go back to malaysia middle of June... i need to lose weight till i am 60kg by then..that is my aim...wish me luck!

Food!